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Our yearly glance into the slightly cracked Crystal Ball. Here goes…
January 9, Tallahassee, Florida – Refusing to concede even after a historic beatdown in the Orange Bowl, Florida Governor and Florida State fan Ron DeSantis announces he’s pressing on with his lawsuit against the College Football Playoff committee over their “unprecedented” omission of the then-unbeaten Seminoles from the four-team playoff field. The day after Michigan wins the national championship in a shootout win over Washington, DeSantis claims that his team would have defeated both those teams had they been allowed to compete. He also announces that when he is elected President, he will name Florida State as the rightful National Champion.
February 11, Las Vegas – The San Francisco 49ers defeat the Miami Dolphins 36-34 in Super Bowl LVIII to win the franchise’s first NFL title in three decades. The game is decided in the final seconds, when Miami kicker Jason Sanders misses a potential game winning 42-yard field goal, sending the pro 49ers crowd into a frenzy. After the kick sails wide left, field microphones pick up Sanders yelling at holder Jake Bailey, apparently blaming him for the miss. “Laces out! Laces out damnit!”
February 18, Indianapolis – After scoring 65 points on 67 shot attempts, Philadelphia 76’ers center Joel Embid is named MVP of the NBA All-Star Game. In a return to the traditional East vs West format, the Western Conference beats their counterparts from the East 187-184 when Denver’s Nikola Jokic hits a three pointer with :03 left on the clock. Jokic finishes the game with six points and two rebounds in just eight minutes of game action.
“This is the second greatest moment of my life,” says Embid as he’s handed the trophy. “The first was when I won the MVP last season, and when I win it again this season, it will make me one of the best of all time. So…Vote for Joel!”
April 16, Los Angeles – After closing out the season with a 40-42 record and missing the NBA playoffs, the Los Angeles Lakers announce plans to hold a parade through the streets near the Staples Center to celebrate their 2023 In-Season Tournament championship. “We already raised the banner, but we thought it would be best to wait until after the regular season to hold the parade,” says Lakers owner Jeannie Buss. Star forward LeBron James sends out a message on social media urging fans to attend. “A championship is always something to celebrate,” he notes. “I’m bringing the cigars!”
June 27, New York – With their first round pick in the NBA draft, the Los Angeles Lakers, who missed the playoffs for the second time in the past three seasons, select LeBron “Bronny” James, Jr. from USC. The younger James, who was not a full time starter for the Trojans, averaged eight points and four rebounds during his freshman season. He declared for the draft announcing, “I’ve been ready for this moment since I was 14 years old.”
July 29, Kansas City – After leaving the team during in the middle of training camp, Kansas City Chiefs star tight end Travis Kelce is officially ruled out for the upcoming season due to a diagnosis of trauma-induced Depression following his break up with pop star girlfriend Taylor Swift. The couple had separated more than two months ago, but it wasn’t until Swift released a new song titled, “Unnecessary Softness” about her failed relationship with the football star that the severity of Kelsey’s symptoms became apparent to his coaches and teammates. “It’s really too bad,” said Chiefs quarterback Pat Mahomes. “It’s really a catchy tune.”
August 1, Los Angeles – The Los Angeles Dodgers, already carrying a 2024 payroll that is close to $300 million for the season, add to it when they trade eight of their best minor league prospects along with cash considerations to the crosstown Los Angeles Angels for superstar Mike Trout. “We’re in win-now mode,” says Dodgers Manager Dave Roberts, whose team leads the National League West by 24 games entering the final two months of the regular season. “Not holding anything back.”
Trout, 31, brings a base salary of more than $35 million per season for the next seven seasons to the Dodgers. “It’s just money,” says Dodgers executive Andrew Friedman. “We’ll print some more.”
October 30, Los Angeles – The 112-win Los Angeles Dodgers suffer another post-season heartbreaker, losing Game Six of the World Series to the Baltimore Orioles 5-4 and falling in the series 4-2. Playing without injured star DH Shohei Ohtani and standout pitchers Tyler Glasnow and Walker Buehler, the Dodgers thin pitching staff can’t hold up. Clayton Kershaw is the Dodgers only productive starter in the series, winning both of his starts. Japanese free agent signee Yoshinobu Yamamoto, coming off an 18-win regular season, loses twice to the O’s, and the rest of the staff can’t pick up the slack. Making things worse, Mike Trout goes 2-17 in the series – his first postseason action since 2014 – and fellow former MVP’s Mookie Betts and Freddy Freeman go a combined 9-for-47. For Trout, the struggles leave his cumulative postseason stat line and ugly 3-for-29.
After the game, Dodger executives say that Manager Dave Roberts will return in 2025.
December 11, Las Vegas – the Los Angeles Lakers can’t overcome the hot shooting of New York’s Jalen Brunson as he leads the Knicks to a 132-123 win in the championship game of the second NBA In-Season Tournament. A disappointed LeBron James, who scores 23 and dishes out six assists – all to his son Bronny James – reminds the media that while this one hurts, he still has one more IST championship than Michael Jordan. Meanwhile, the Knicks announce that instead of raising a banner, they will hand out IST championship t-shirts at their next home game.
More from The Woody Paige Sports Network:
- Woody Paige: That time I played blackjack with Michael Jordan in Monte Carlo
- Woody Paige: A tribute to the legendary John Madden
- Watching and Learning from the great Nolan Ryan
- Woody Paige: It’s time for the Monfort family to sell the Colorado Rockies
- Woody Paige: Denver could be hosting another championship parade (or two) next year